Happy New Year!

As I type there is only a short time before this year ends - and what a year it has been for me too. At least things now seem to be on the up.

I had my 'switch on' on Tuesday - which I was already nervous about as I slipped and fell on ice 10 days ago and got a gash not one inch from the cochlear implant. Never mind my brain - I had concussion - I was more worried about the implant! Anyway, we made it through the snow on the high ground (it was beautiful too.) and it turns out that the implant is fine after my fall, thank goodness, and that all 10 electrodes are working. That's the good news, but I was rather disappointed that I couldn't make any sense of speech at all. All I could hear were constant whistles and beeps at the same frequency for all sounds - even more annoying than tinnitus. The technician wasn't concerned - she says that this is how it starts for some people and that I will come to learn what all these beeps mean. It's much harder work lip-reading and tiring too - but being me - I'll persevere! I go back again next Tuesday for a re-tune and assessment - but it looks like this rehab is going to take a while. The technician says it can take months before I get recognition of speech - I was hoping I would be quicker than that (as some people are).

I must say I AM hearing more today than yesterday - things like paper rustling, the cat miaow, the fire sparking - sounds I've never heard before. It's strange then that I can't hear the hoover - though that is maybe a blessing! I still can't make out conversation and rely heavily on lip-reading although I am starting to hear 's' and 'ch' sounds - again I've never heard these before. So I'm feeling much more positive now.

So a New Year is nearly on us, and new, exciting, beginnings for me. A wonderful new home and discovering new hearing - and this is only the start! Here's wishing you a very Happy New Year and best wishes for 2010 - may it be a good one!

Merry Christmas!

Just a quick message to say Merry Christmas to all my readers - and hope that you have a good one!

We are looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home even though it looks set to be chilly! Very pretty out there though. There is one downside - I slipped on ice and fell backwards two days ago and landed on my head. I am now sporting a one inch gash on my skull just one inch from the Cochlear Implant - never mind damage to the brain (I was concussed) - I'm more worried about technical damage to my implant. Time will tell - ie next Tuesday when I go for the 'switch on' - lets hope the weather won't stop this.

Here are some wintry pics for you of our new home..


and a view of the garden...



Have a very Merry Christmas!

I'm home!

Actually I've been home since Thursday - just haven't really been up to blogging until now. The op seemed to go well, with 10 out of 12 electrodes being implanted. Amazingly, I've not had any pain around the ear at all but I am bothered with nausea and dizziness if I move too quickly. Strangely enough, any pain I've had is stomach cramps from the painkillers that the hospital insisted I take - I'm still bothered with cramps even after stopping the pills over a day ago. An op on the ear resulting in stomach pains - how strange!!

The surgeon managed to persuade me that I should get my better ear implanted...hopefully this will have been the right decision. 'Switch on' is due on 29th December 09 - I can't wait!

We have also settled into our new home - a beautiful place to recuperate. I'm just glad that I managed to get the place sorted before going into hospital and now I can relax - until I knuckle down to the Christmas preparations... At least most of my Christmas Cards are on their way with my new address - I had already prepared for that one.

A new year is nearly on us, and new beginnings for me and us. I'm sure 2010 will be an exciting one for me - and I hope it is the same for all you readers of my blog!

The day before tomorrow.....

It's been some week. We moved house 9 days ago and I've been working solid ever since to get the house shipshape before going into hospital tomorrow. In some ways, its been good that I've been so busy as I haven't had time to think about the op - but the day is looming over me now. I just wish it wasn't so soon after the move so that I could have relaxed here for a few days - then there is Christmas to organise soon after but hey..... the sooner done, the sooner I'll hopefully be able to hear, at least more than I am now. I'm guessing that the 'switch on' won't happen until next year with the Festive Season - another reason that I would have preferred the op after the New Year as my wee one will be off school for two weeks before I'm 'wired up'.

At least, I love our new home - its so different from anything I've had before. It's not the cottage on the beach that I mentioned in my first post - that buy fell through at the last minute - but another, better house not far from the first. As there are no leaves on the trees at the moment we can see the sea from some of the windows (and the waves crashing in the wind!). I've not had much chance to look round the huge garden yet. That's the good thing about moving house at this time of year - the garden doesn't need much attention until Spring.

Anyway, better go and get some things looked out for tomorrow - D-day. Here's hoping all goes well.....

A strange sensation!

Well, sensation is maybe the wrong word but it happened when I was in the cinema recently with my wee one and her friend. We were watching the movie "Up" (which was excellent by the way) with subtitles and about half way through the film I wondered how on earth the girls (both 6 years old) could follow the dialogue if they can't fully read? I soon realised what a stupid thought this was as both girls are hearing, and can perfectly follow the soundtrack - it's just not something that I am used to. Its the same when I see people listening to the radio, or talking on the telephone - and it has made me realise how much I rely on the visual cues to speech for interpretation of sounds whilst others take hearing 'only with ears' as the norm. In fact, that was how my mum first realised that I was deaf (all those years ago) when I said at bedtime "switch on the light mum, I can't hear you" - that says it all.

Will I one day be able to hear without seeing? Who knows? Roll on the Cochlear Implant!

It's been a while!

I realise that I have been quiet lately - I just didn't have any real news and life was passing me by. Now it is all happening!

Just last week we met with my Solicitor - and we are buying a house! We had planned to buy a house on the beach last month but that fell through at the last minute (so much for all that planning) - there was a problem with the Title Deeds and a clause in the missives that was unacceptable to us, so we pulled out. However, we've found somewhere bigger, better and good value for money - I guess it was meant to be!! Now here comes the crunch - we move in less than two weeks! I should be packing right now but wanted to share the news first. (plus I've only got 15 minutes before I get my wee girl from school). I will tell you more about this new place in due course.

Even more than that - last Friday I got word of my Cochlear Implant op scheduled for 30th November - 10 days after we move!! I was in two minds to postpone the op but have been persuaded to go ahead. It just seems so soon after the move, and Christmas is not long after....

So there we have it - nerve-wracking but exciting at the same time. At least I won't be bored in the recovery period - I'm sure there will be plenty of boxes still to unpack......

Audiogram

deafdude asked what my audiogram looks like...so here it is! It took a while to get it into chart format as I only had numerical data. (many thanks to a computer geek for his help!). Although I was born deaf, quite a few years ago now, I DID previously have better hearing ..but the best was in around 75-90 dB loss until 1990. This level of loss didn't affect my achievements - I am a qualified Physiotherapist and have been a manager in the past - both of a Physiotherapy Department, and also the Scottish branch of a National Charity. However, I missed my contact with patients so went back to Physio at a lower grade - but with much more job satisfaction (even if no less stressful!)

This latest audiogram shows what my hearing has been like since I took that fateful plane journey in April this year. The red line is my right ear, the blue, my left ear.

I wear two digital hearing aids which help up to a point with my lipreading - my speech recognition with the hearing aids alone is 6%, but with both aids plus lip-reading this goes up to 54% accuracy. (lip-reading alone is 34% accuracy). I am hoping that the Cochlear Implant can improve on this. Even a little more hearing seems to improve my communication ability by a lot.

My brother is excited at the thought of a bionic sister - while someone else thinks its 'cool' to be able to directly plug an iPod 'into my head'!! I know that I will still be deaf as soon as the CI is disconnected but its also nice to get a bit of peace and quiet sometimes......

Some news

Some news - not a lot - but better than nothing. It's been nearly 4 weeks since my Cochlear Implant assessment and I have been waiting to pounce on the postie (for the mail you understand) every day for the past two weeks, to find out if I am even suitable for an implant. Still no news by today, and patience wearing thin, we finally phoned the hospital this afternoon. "Oh yes, she is most likely to be suitable for an Implant and is on the waiting list - we are just waiting to see if the MRI scan is of good enough quality or if a CT scan is also required" So, when were they going to let me know?! At least its good news - and there should be light at the end of the tunnel yet. The waiting list is anything from 12 to a maximum 18 weeks - this year's Christmas present?

Otherwise, we are having an Indian summer here - there is yellow ball in the sky which has been missing for quite a few weeks and now it is even warm up to 20 degrees C. Apparently it had been the wettest August in some areas since records began - I fully believe it. Another sign of Global Warming? At least I have now been able to catch up in the garden and potting up plants ready for the move to our new cottage - not that there has been much happening in that direction either lately. There seems to be a distinct lack of communication from whatever source at the moment - hospitals, solicitors, and our local council (that's another story). It's like trying to get blood from a stone. Not good for someone who likes to be organised weeks in advance - I like to plan ahead, you see. They say that patience is a virtue - it's definitely being tried at the moment.

At least I can sleep tonight - and the postie is safe for the moment......

Caption?

Not a lot has been happening here lately - other than I've been signed off work for another 3 months. I've still to see Occupational Health next week, in relation to work, but hopefully by then I will know if I am suitable for a Cochlear Implant (CI). I know I'm going to be terrified when I get the envelope from the hospital, expected this week sometime - it will be just like getting exam results except that this time I have no control over the outcome.

It has been very wet here, weather wise. The rain does stop from time to time, but then the ground is too wet to work with, and the grass too wet to cut. I'm itching to get my green fingers out there! At least some more baby plants arrived so I was able to get my 'green fix' today by potting them up. I'm mindful that I'm going to have an awful lot of pots to transport when we move house - just as well we recently bought a trailer on ebay!

I came across this picture when going through my albums.

This is Belle when she had her first encounter with a dog that a friend brought over to visit. It looks like she is pretty disgusted with the situation - but I thought it was a good pic for someone to make up a caption - do YOU have any ideas?

PS

Remember that cute pic of HER cat as a kitten in my earlier blog. This is her now - not a lot changes...... (apart from the cushion and her size!)

Tinnitus...and Balance

There is one 'sound' that I'd rather not hear. The sound that comes from inside the head - I'm talking about Tinnitus. Don't know about yours, if you have it, but mine ranges from birds twittering - which is tolerable, to a constant whistle - or at its worst it is a turbine generator / constant whine in either or both ears. Each time that I have 'lost' my hearing (in 1990 and April this year) - the Tinnitus has been extra 'loud', so much so that its hard to concentrate on anything during the day eg lipreading, which I am totally dependant on, to keeping me awake at night. The concentration is so bad that I can't even read a book to while the early hours away. Actually, the tinnitus wasn't at all bad yesterday - gentle twittering in my ears (a new way to hear nature?!). The distraction of an adorable 6 week old kitten - not mine, alas, but one brought along by friends of ours, also helped. Here's the kitten - as yet to be named....


No, its not your eyes, the pic is a bit out of focus.

This visit was followed by a delightful evening with those same friends - they do say 'laughter makes the world go round'! We had such fun - I tend only to 'socialise' at home(s) and in small groups since restuarants and public places are just too NOISY for me. Those powerful digital aids that I have just amplify EVERYTHING. I can usually cope within a group of up to 4 well-known people, especially when they understand that I need to know who is talking and for them to face me when doing so. So we had a ball and I went to bed feeling refreshed.

After that though, was one of those nights - awake at 4.45am which actually isn't too bad for me - and unable to get back to my slumbers. It does mean that I eventually get up to do chores, but I'd rather be sleeping. With a wee one to look after I don't always get a nap during the day - I'd rather not in any case and save my sleep for night time. What causes the tinnitus or makes it worse? That I don't know the answer to although I do notice that it can be aggravated after being in a noisy environment. I guess the amplification of all sounds, and not just speech, can get too much for my inner ears. As I say, I do get some extra jobs done about the house...I guess...

I have heard that you can get masking devices that can distract you from 'hearing' the tinnitus, but as you have to hear them I guess that is not an option for me (I have been told this)

The other trouble that I can have is loss of balance - without the drink! I can stagger in either direction or, at its worse, hardly walk at all. Even closing my eyes when lying still doesn't help - I feel like I am going into free-fall.....a horrible feeling! That in itself doesn't stop me sleeping though - I can usually tell myself that my sensation of falling is not real. (luckily I dont usually get bad tinnutus and loss of balance at the same time) My last 'bad spell' was about 2 weeks ago for four hours but as we were near the GP surgery, I went in and was given a prescription for Stugeron. Now, I have to say, that I can be sceptical about medication particularly for balance problems and I am not one for taking tablets, but in this case it does seem to have helped. I am also more aware of the warning signs of an 'attack' - which can come on for apparently no reason at all, or I just haven't identified the cause yet. With this awareness, I slow down (for those who know me, that can be hard for me to do, eh?!) - and it seems to stave off the worst of an attack.

So why I am telling this to the whole wide world - its not a particularly stimulating subject? However, if anyone reading this also has the same problem then they can say "hey, I'm not going mad after all - there ARE sounds in my head"! Also, if anyone knows of any trigger factors or self help tips, maybe they can share them through this Blog? Even though it may not seem so at the time, in my experience, the tinnitus DOES eventually wear off or 'calm down', and the balance/co-ordination returns, but it IS scary the first few times. You just have to have patience - something else I am not particularly renowned for - and the sensations WILL pass - maybe in hours, days or months.

Ah..it looks like its going to be an okay day today - the sun is shining at the mo. Now to tend to the 20 baby plants that I received yesterday - I got them at a bargain price and hope to nurture them enough to make it into the garden!

Brave Girl!

Not me that is, but my neice. Jennie went on 'the 4th plinth' in Trafalger Square in London today. Those who don't know what I am talking about - click here to see. I hadn't even heard about this until Jennie gave it a shot.

You can see Jennie, dressed as a 50s housewife on the top of the plinth in this photo - maybe not the size of a mountain, although I'm sure Jennie felt like it was. For someone who is terrified of heights she did so well - and raised money for a Charity at the same time.



I'm glad it was a dry day for her, even if she was worried about her skirt blowing up in the wind. It must have seemed a long hour but she even looked as though she was enjoying herself throwing handmade felt cupcakes to watchers on the ground - I'm so proud of her! For those who are interested, I can email an archive link.

Day two.

No, I'm not going to start a daily dairy - who wants to know how bad my tinnitus is or if my balance is so off that I can't stand? My main concern is not being able to hear.

Why did I decide to start blogging? It was actually someone from Canada who suggested that I could do this - and I thought why not - then why? Is it something to do on a rainy day - which this is - absolutely chucking it down when it looks like the rest of the county is basking in sunshine - or is it to keep friends in the know about what I am up to without sending individual emails? Then they can decide if they want to look at the blog or not.

I am no writer - I just put things down as I speak. I am not clever with words as my favourite bloggers are - so will people get bored? We shall see. I would be grateful for any comments - if only to know that someone out there is reading!

So what shall I do on this wet day - other than clean up the dead mouse that my daughter's cat has brought in. I deliberately say its not my cat, therefore I am not responsible for its actions - I hate it when she brings in mice and, less frequently thank goodness, birds, but I do manage to save quite a few of them. MY cat, of course, would never do anything like this ....or is it just because she is too old and lazy......

Lets see if I can add some pics - this is HER cat - can you see the killer look in her eyes?


And after the kill.....though - do you see she's sitting on a box of cat food - obviously not as good as the 'real thing'! ('scuse the untidy shelves!)



I much preferred her like this - all of 3 years ago...


This is MY cat...who does no wrong of course (kof!)


And while we're at the picture gallery - I came across this one taken in my garden earlier this year. I WAS glad when the cubs left for good though - they DID try to decimate my garden....not to mention the undesirable rubbish that they brought in from other people's bins....


That's it for now - better get stuck into the ironing :(

Blog one, post one...

Please bear with me - this is my first blog, ever. I just thought I would like to share my Cochlear Implant journey, or indeed my journey through life. I was completed deafened in April after an air flight, and have been off work since. Have been for an assessment for a Cochlear Implant - so fingers crossed all is okay to go ahead! I have been deaf all my life and heavily dependant on lip-reading but what little hearing I had seemed to help. Now I only pick up half of what is being said - so hope its the better half! Its been a long summer though - not being able to pick up what my six year old is saying...tiring too.

Still, the assessment was an eyeopener. It confirmed more or less what I knew, but somehow it was a shock to see the results in black and white. It was reassuring that its no fault of mine that I miss hearing things - when I have only 6% hearing with hearing aids on. I'm an 'above average' lipreader though but even then only scored 54% on the speech recognition test using both lip-reading and hearing. Its good to have these results too - so many people ask 'how much do you hear?' or 'what don't you hear?' (eh? if I can't hear it, how do I know I don't hear it?) - now I have the answers!

This Blog is not all about Cochlear Implants (CIs) though. I'm off work at the mo and missing the patient contact, but keeping myself busy. Painting and decorating on wet days, gardening and sunbathing on dry days (yes, I am a sunworshipper - and yes, I know the risks, and not just being caught half-undressed!). I've even knitted four jumpers too!

I have also just put an offer in, which has been accepted, for a beautiful cottage on the beach - can't wait to move in. The garden will be a new challenge for me as it has been neglected for four years. Let's hope that it all goes through as planned.

I am thinking that this year is going to be one of challenges, but excitement too. I hope that you will share my experiences as time goes on, and I get used to blogging!